This was the title of a post in my drafts last edited on 28th February 2021, the last time I accidentally abandoned this blog. I think it probably relates to the fact I had no half-term holiday to speak of, which is pretty standard, to be honest! However, the week that never was has kind of turned into ‘the two years that never were’ in terms of blogging and flosstube. So I’m going to try to backtrack a bit and retrace my steps to fill in the last two years as succinctly as possible.

In terms of life and goals, I’ve pretty much got nowhere! This isn’t a woe-is-me post in the slightest, it’s just been a bit of limbo, consolidation and reflection time with minimal forward or upwards motion until recently.

So in terms of the negative:

  • My Fibromyalgia and M.E. (and related symptoms) have probably got a bit (more than a bit…) worse.
  • The ‘rona, a chest infection and damaged ribs all gave me a bit of a kicking.
  • My mum has been significantly ill on top of her existing illnesses and has gathered a few more things to her medical condition repertoire. It feels like two steps forward and one step back (because I can’t do a post without referencing song lyrics).
  • All the animals except Dexter have also been ill to varying degrees (and costs…).
  • Work has been particularly challenging due to loads of new staff, a bit of a move around and losing my lovely, trained-by-me people.
  • The house seemed to feel more and more unmanageable and cluttered, even though there wasn’t a massive amount of ‘stuff’ coming in.
  • Rather than enjoying social media, I started to become anxious about it. That included talking to my IG friends and stitchy lot.

All of these negatives, and more things not significant enough to mention, compound my chronic illnesses (stress is a big trigger) and to be honest, nose-dive me mentally. Yes, folks – I’m a spiraller and it’s downhill all the way. There’s nothing specific that snaps me out of it, but I think I’ve managed to clear a bit of headspace to start clawing my way back into a bit of ‘normality’.

Now, as I said, this isn’t a woe-is-me post, but I can’t list positives like I can negatives. I’ve always been a ‘glass half empty’ verging on ‘you might as well just tip the water out now’ kind of person. I’m fine with that, it’s me and I wouldn’t be me without a healthy level of pessimism (along with sarcasm and brutal honesty I’ve got a great mix!). However, things have been helping me out of my funk and into a better headspace. I’m trying to re-form previous good habits and build new routines to support me mentally and physically health-wise.

The chest infection and rib issues got me good at the beginning of this year. I struggled to move about for well over a month and where I was coping prior to that; by the point I was recovering in February, the rest of my health had deteriorated. So, I’ve been trying to manage that and get back on track. Both sorting the house and sorting myself. In my random stumblings around the internet, I came across the organisation and decluttering side of YouTube and I found a few channels that resonated with me. I’ve always loved organising and wish I could have done it professionally. I got a lot more from one of the channels than just organising hints and tips though. In the many, many hours I’ve binge-watched Cas from Clutterbug, I’ve taken the following away:

  • Bear with me, this will be relevant shortly – my Clutterbug ‘type’ is predominantly a cricket. This will mean nothing to you if you’ve never heard of Cas or Clutterbug, but basically, using her method there are four categories/organisational types that people fall into – you can take a test to see which one you are if you’re interested! In a nutshell, being a cricket means I like things super organised and hidden away.
  • Anyway (here begins the relevant stuff) crickets can be perfectionists, but this means they can struggle to get started organising unless things are perfect. They might need to ensure they have enough time, the right storage, and the right ‘conditions’ before starting. That is totally me, but the penny dropped that it’s not just organising me, that literally is me. I struggle massively to start something if I know it’s not going to turn out perfectly, or I know it needs doing but the time isn’t right for example. I’m not a true ‘perfectionist’ per se; however, as JC would say, I am ‘particular’. Although, on reflection, he calls me particular to avoid ‘odd’, ‘weird’, ‘slightly impossible some days’, ‘maddening’, etc!
  • So… where I’m going with this is, one of the things I’m trying to get into my head is ‘better not perfect’ or ‘progress not perfection’. If I do something, even if it’s only for 15 or 30 mins; whatever I’ve done is better for it. Perfect is a barrier I’m trying to break.

I’m trying my best to apply this to all aspects of my life, including organising the house (of course!), my health, hobbies, blogging, social media – literally everything apart from work, because I’ve had to apply the concept with work more and more over the years. Work is challenging but I’ve got systems and documents in place because I’ve been doing my job for way too long. However, because I’ve taken a more strategic role and support numerous places, I can’t be everywhere at once, nor can I control what people do or what work comes in when. So perfection loses frequently at work. Pretty is a thing of the past if it needs doing quickly. Functionality and form win over perfection so I can get onto the next thing ASAP.

I’ve also taken away FRON cLUTTERBUG:

  • If it can be done in 5 minutes or less, do it.
  • Complete the circle! Make sure I try to finish a job wholly, for example, wash the dishes but put them away ASAP rather than leave them draining. I can’t think of a better one at the moment, and I daren’t say put the laundry away because I’m genuinely terrible at that (it’s a work in progress!)
  • Make sure everything has a space or place to live and even if I’ve no energy, put it away after I’ve used it. This is definitely a work in progress around the house but the downstairs is pretty much done in terms of home designation.
  • Do a bit of something every day to make an improvement (in whatever I want to improve).
  • Re-focus my goals. So for example, instead of saying I’m going to exercise 3 times a week, then my body lets me down, I feel deflated/rubbish about myself and it gives me a bit of a downward kick… my goal is I want to get back to being a ‘healthier person’. I’m never going to be the weights-loving gym bunny with a body I totally -did not- appreciate back then again (hindsight eh?!); but I can do something every day to work towards being healthier and finding a new middle ground.
  • Clear the visual clutter in the house, because it makes me itch and to be honest, I can’t manage it functionally in terms of cleaning without it burning me out. We have a lot of lovely ‘stuff’, but we also have two corgis and the fur shedding and dust is real! I need things not on the floor to vacuum easily, daily (boo, yes, daily) and less stuff out on display or on shelves so I can clean more quickly without it taking its toll on my hands or energy. I’ll just add JC does loads around the house but I like to try and minimise what he has to do because he’s the house chef. He loves cooking and as much as I love it, my hands are usually wrecked. He also commutes a decent amount daily and his job is mentally taxing; whereas I have variable but usually short commutes at the moment [often just downstairs]. So if I can keep on top of things, it’s easier for us both.
  • Definitely a work in progress, but trying to re-form old habits that I know were good for me and I’ve just not had the energy or inclination to keep up. Some of these things for me make a significant physical difference, like eating lower carb and taking B12 and other vitamins. Others are more mentally supportive, like feeling better about myself by not shortcutting my hair or skincare routines. Yes, hairspray and dry shampoo are my friends and actually suit my hair type, but I struggle with my hands a lot and washing my hair would be loads easier without a product build-up!
  • Re-learning what I love in terms of stuff, what has value to me and what I am keeping that actually makes me feel bad/guilty. I’m trying to prioritise stuff that brings back any kind of good memories due to my long/mid-term memory issues/loss. Also, stuff that’s hard for me to use (did I mention my hands are crappy!) is going or getting replaced.

I’ll be honest, I’ve gotten a lot of motivation that I didn’t know I needed from Clutterbug. It’s also amazing how much of a difference having less stuff makes, visually and environment-wise. Also, I guess more obviously, it makes cleaning easier, especially for me. The kitchen, hallway and downstairs loo are all a breeze now compared to what they used to be to keep on top of. The living room/lounge is probably 80% there, I’ve just got some tough decisions to make about what deserves the space on the shelves. I feel a lot lighter in terms of the weight on my shoulders and the spiralling is subsiding a bit. We’ll not talk about the upstairs or the garage, there’s still a -lot- of work to do there. However, every day seems a bit more manageable at the moment, even the T-Rex claw hand days or the days I struggle to move about.

So… that’s my succinct (maybe not so much?!) post about what’s gone on and where I’m working towards. It’s going to be a slow slog, but it’s something I’ve got to try to stick with. I guess I need to work towards a bit more structure and routine again, which is difficult when how well you are and what you’re able to do fluctuates so much daily. I know though, that if I can get routines and habits in place to support myself, it does impact my health and pain positively. It’s just a case of uncoiling the spiral, giving myself a talking to and trying to find a balance of pushing through but not overdoing it. Simple really… but oftentimes, apparently not so much for me!

P.S. I’ve referenced Clutterbug a fair bit in this post, if you want to know more then check out Cas at:
https://clutterbug.me/
https://www.youtube.com/@Clutterbug