One thing I don’t make a big deal about in my life, to the point where the majority of people probably don’t know I suffer daily; is my fibromyalgia and CFS. I’ve known something wasn’t quite right with me for years now (if you knew me you’d say it wasn’t the fibro, you’re not a doctor and you could have told me that!). When I finally got a diagnosis I was so happy that someone believed and helped me and also once I’d been through a barrage of tests that it was nothing degenerative or potentially life-threatening. Though it has been life-changing for me; I see and hear of people in the media and online completely crippled by it and I have had it bad, but not as bad as some.
So what? Well, my fibro manifests itself in the most frustrating and infuriating ways for someone who plays games and stitches. My hands randomly get claw-like, swollen, really painful and stiff. Although some people with fibro get relief with painkillers – I do not. Some days I itch in my own skin and I’m too uncomfortable to do anything that requires concentration. Some days I’m too much of a zombie to do anything. This can be brought on by stress, but mostly it just randomly happens, some days worse than others (joy!). So planning anything like writing blog posts, gaming or stitching goes out the window. Some days going outside or doing anything active goes out of the window as my feet get crippled too and I can’t walk properly (but that’s ok if I’m trying to have a hobby day, not being able to move works in my favour!). There’s also something called fibro-fog which is basically like baby brain but you don’t have to be pregnant, or a mom. I’ve come up with some amazing random descriptions for everyday stuff that have JC creased. I’m sure they’re hilarious as I often chuckle too but because of the fibro- fog affecting my memory – I can’t remember them!
It sounds pretty shitty when it’s written down like this; but I try not to dwell on it and just take each day as it comes. Most days though it’s a massive pain in the arse and to be honest I could do without it! Like I said, I’m mostly grateful I don’t suffer as bad daily as I know some people do, it can be debilitating.
So, why am I saying all this? Well because it’s changed me as a person; and the way I can game and stitch is hugely affected. Because of fatigue and fibro-fog it’s taken me two days to put this post together.
I have managed to ‘game’ this week. Animal Crossing while not what I consider ‘proper gaming’ affords me the convenience of pick up and put down without worrying about letting teammates guildies down. I can balance the Switch quite easily wherever I’m sat whereas gripping controllers can get really uncomfortable. The bribery PC (more on that in a future post) is actually working out well. I’ve finally found new peripherals that suit my hands so maybe going back to join the PC master race rather than consoles.
As well as being suitably irritating and annoying for gaming, when it comes to stitching some days fibro royally sucks too. I’m currently having a few of those days in a row (lucky me!). It includes not being able to grip the needle and/or fabric, messing up following patterns (thanks fibro-fog) and generally being unable to push a needle through a hole – which is a pretty key. All of this results in pretty piss poor progress and turns something that should take a few hours/days into a week/fortnight-long slog. For example, my nice little pokemon project number one (I’ll be doing it two times) should be done by now. It’s frustrating because I know how long it should take or how long something used to take me and I have to at least double it.
At least everything taking so long always gives me plenty to do! You’d think it would keep me out of trouble too but apparently not 😂. At the end of the day I’m here and my family are well – given the current circumstances, that I’m very grateful for.
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